I wish my penis had an off switch
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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