I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
