My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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