How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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