I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
