Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
