Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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