he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So vagazzling was a success
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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