i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
