I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
