Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
