You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
