A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
