It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
