So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
