Are we in a gay sports bar?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
