At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
