No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize