is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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