Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
