I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
