how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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