i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
