Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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