I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
