the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The best revenge is premature balding
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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