i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
