Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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