Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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