I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
