Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
