if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
