He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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