Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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