You work out of a Hotel?
smell my finger.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
