I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
