I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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