I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
