Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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