I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
