My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
