Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
