it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
