I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
