Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
