Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
