The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
