Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
