I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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