we have officially lost it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
