She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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