I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
