I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
