Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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