i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
