# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize