i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
