how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
