you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
