At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
