I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
