A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
