Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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