you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize