according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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