wake up i wanna do it froggy style
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
