Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
