i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
