I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
