I wannas sexs uuuuu
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
