I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
