You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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