i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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