I cockslap morals
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
