I just saw a hot homeless man
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
