can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want her autograph on my taint
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
