I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize