The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
