I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
