How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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