I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
