Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
