hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
