The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize