Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Semen is not good for contacts.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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