dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
