i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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