i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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