I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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