At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
