Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
