grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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