is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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