i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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