ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
