He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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