Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
where are you?
Hypothermia
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
