they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
