sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
