Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You don't make any sense
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