I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
