So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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